I can tell you that I've been running a really lousy program of recovery lately. Not enough meetings, not calling my sponsor, retreating into too much isolation -- all the alcoholic behaviors I tend to fall into. Some fear of the future, confusion about what to do next, frustration, resentment and anger.

Fear, confusion, frustration, resentment and anger -- all the signs that I've been spending a lot of time with my wife! :) I have been going to LA every week, and my wife has let me stay with her. Sometimes. She says she wants to work on reconciliation. Sometimes. Other times she says she wants to give up. I never know what she will do or say next; she is unforgiving of all my shortcomings, big or small, real or imagined; her word is her bond until she changes her mind. All in all, business as usual.

I've done my best to be reliable, trustworthy, supportive, open, patient, reasonable and forgiving. I'm far from perfect, and it's not driven by any romantic passion, but I'm making the effort. I remain committed to doing my part to reconcile our marriage and restore our family. I can't say I'm optimistic, but I leave the outcome in God's hands.

As a practical matter, I'm following the advice not to initiate big changes in the first year of sobriety, if I can avoid them. I'm coming up on six months sober, so I'll kick her to the curb in another six months! Seriously, though, a lot of miracles can happen in six months. One day at a time. And a lot of Serenity Prayers.

ANSWERING SURVEYS MAKES YOU FUCKING HATE ME!

Feel the anger build up inside as you read this and realize that it's more nonsense not worth reading. Again thanks to Brian Lerner who I leached this off of...again.

[ current clothes ] Dickies and a button up...as always (so predictable is I.)
[ current mood ] Asshole Happy (happy in the mean spirited way.)
[ current music ] Boy Sets Fire
[ current taste ] Dr. Pepper and lung butter (I have a cold.)
[ current hair ] bed head.
[ current annoyance ] I have a cold and it sucks ass.
[ current smell ] I smell like clean laundry.
[ current thing I ought to be doing ] 8th revision of the "Frequent Flyer" cards for Robeks.
[ current desktop picture ] Camaro SS pace car (the one I sat in)
[ current favorite group] Boy Sets Fire, Tool
[ current book you're reading] "How to prepare your Butterball Turkey" by the Butterball corporation.
[ current CD in CD player] "Live For Today", Boy Sets Fire
[ current movie in dvd player ] Nightmare Before Christmas
[ current color of toenails ] same color as there were this morning.
[ current refreshment ] Dr. Pepper with Ice cube chaser.
[ current worry ] I don't want to tell.


last person
[ you touched ] mom at the super market.
[you talked to ] mom
[ you hugged ] Maripa I think when leaving Toys R Us on Saturday. I don't get alot of hugs.
[ you instant messaged ] Jes the Mes
[ you yelled at ] Stupid lady who backed in to me.
[ you kissed ] no one....sigh ;)


favorite
[ food ] anything edible.
[ drink ] Jose Cuervo 1800 gold w/ D.P. Chaser
[ color ] red.
[ album ] Tool "Aenima", Snot "Get Some", Radiohead "The Bends"
[ shoes ] Adidas Campus
[ candy ] Twix
[ animal ] Dolphins and Penguins
[ TV show ] Simpsons
[ movie ] Clerks, Pulp Fiction, Usual Suspects
[ dance ] all the stuff from 80's.
[ song ] There's a song for every moment, you can't have just one!
[ vegetable ] there's something about them all.
[ fruit ] ditto
[ cartoon ] Simpsons


are you
[ understanding ] most of the time
[ open-minded ] when the idea appeals to me.
[ arrogant ] in that joking around away.
[ insecure ] yes
[ interesting ] after a couple drinks I think I am.
[ random ] yes
[ hungry ] once a day.
[ friendly ] I try
[ smart ] not enough.
[ moody ] yes
[ childish ] yes
[ hard working ] if there's the proper motivation
[ organized ] no
[ healthy ] no
[ emotionally stable ] Yes
[ shy ] yes
[ difficult ] yes
[ attractive ] not at all
[ bored easily ] yes
[ messy ] yes
[ thirsty ] yes
[ responsible ] no
[ obsessed ] with certain things
[ angry ] more cynical than angry
[ sad ] yes
[ happy ] yes
[ hyper ] no
[ trusting ] yes
[ talkative ] no
[ legal ] yes


who do you want to
[ kill ] no one at the moment
[ slap ] Ryan
[ get really wasted with ] Harout
[ get high with ] Jessica
[ tickle] I dunno.
[ kiss ] all my crushes
[ look like ] me.
[ talk to offline ] All my friends
[ talk to online ] All my friends

Raising a Smart Computer

It's always amused me how we, with our giant, complicated brains and overcomplicated worldviews, accept so intuitively the idea that learning requires a lot of time and exposure, even for the smartest of students, and yet we do not extend that intuitive understanding to the expectations we place on our learning machines and software. Would you really expect to sit down with your 1-year-old child, explain the mechanics of walking and the social value of mobility, maybe show them a presentation on DVD about the evolution of mankind's ability to walk, and then turn to that child and so "Okay...So what's the holdup? Get going!" Same for speech. Or drawing. Or even eating cereal from a bowl.

Obviously we are able to understand that building knowledge and ability frameworks takes time and repetition.

So why, then, do we hold our machines to bizarre and inexplicable different standards? Oh, how many times I have read about the failures of software to "read a book and understand it" or "identify the meaning of a speaker's tone". Hell, I know of plenty of adult humans who have trouble with both of those concepts! And yet we expect our piddly little (or even un-piddly big) software to pick it up like *snap*.

It's not very realistic, not to mention unfair

Finchie Lets go

Finch is my name and swinging is my game